update

[lizzie lou]

Hi all,

here are the more personal grown-up details about my current environment

six weeks ago DH "met" someone on the internet, and as far as I can tell, he wants to pursue that relationship. as you can imagine, I have been moving a lot of feelings. I need to take a break and get the heck out of here today.

the complication is that he is having minor outpatient surgery today, and he left before we figured out who is picking him up and staying with him tonight. I have some friends lined up, but need to confirm that he hasn't lined somebody else up, before they drive an hour down unnecessarily.

I also got a call from his supplier who needs an address and details for an order going out first thing Monday. ack. so I need to see if anybody else knows anything.

and naturally, we haven't set up our voice mails on our new phones, so I can't leave him a message (nor can anybody else).

I also need to figure out where the heck I am going tonight and perhaps start planning for a more "permanent" temporary next step.

so I hope y'all can forgive me for leaning on you to keep me focused on taking one step at a time.

[Zippity]

Big hugs for you LL.

[Kimberley]

Big, huge hugs Lizzie!

[mommymath]

Lizzie

[Lyn]

Lizzie.

[lizzie lou]

DH met her this weekend. It was hard. He called Mon nite to let me know that they want to keep getting to know each other and check in on me. I was doing my best not to have any hopes otherwise, but of course I still did. So had to grieve that loss.

However, it's been very confusing, because he told me that he wanted to go to the Writers Camp with me, and then hang out together to work on projects together, and then go to the Labor Day festival with me. Huh???

I realized that I am going to have to be the one to set boundaries, because he still wants to have his cake and eat it too. I am scared, because at some point he is going to realize that he has to let go of me, and it is going to piss him off, and then I will have to be dealing with his gap. I dread trying to negotiate our financial settlement in that space. so I am feeling pressure to move on seeing a lawyer, etc. stuff I am dreading.

Last night he called to arrange to spend time in his office. he was very stressed out about his technological challenges and complained to me about it. no sense of my perspective (like, gee, maybe you shouldn't have taken a six day trip right now?). but I am proud because I told him that I can't take on wifely, or even "friend" duties right now. He did his usual "fine, I'll get help elsewhere," and hung up. that's usually where he goes when he hears any kind of "no." so I called back and was able to say that I didn't mind him coming over and using the office or his laptop--I just can't provide emotional support right now. I even said I didn't really want to see him for a while. He was shocked--but what could he say?

well, I didn't get up early enough to actually be out of here by the time he got here. (damn you, facebook!) but I was able to be friendly and talk about the bills. However, I feel shakey, so need to wrap this up and go.

[Zippity]

Good luck with the boundary setting. Sounds like that's going to be a tough road, but good for you for knowing what you need and making sure you're your own priority here! Tough not to enable other people's choices sometimes, so bravo!

[lizzie lou]

DH greeted me with "your water line's broke and your car won't start" this morning. His hostility stunned me because last night I had come to a place of gratitude for all that he had done for me in our relationship, and shared something that I had written about it. I guess I thought that it would make him feel good (which is why I shared it) but instead, it just triggered his anger "about everything."

Earlier in the evening we talked about how to move forward... it's been so hard with him living here again for the last ten days, and I came to the conclusion that it's more than I can handle. I thought it would be best to let him come to the conclusion that he should move back out, rather than demand or ask that he do so, because he (and TOW) seem to think/feel that I have been unreasonable and am making him "bow down" (her words) or worse (I won't repeat his words).

This was after I suggested that TOW and her daughter come out here to visit while I was gone (they added her other daughter and her other daughter's boyfriend without telling me) and also offering to stay in the trailer or elsewhere when he wanted or needed to work or play or pack here.

So this morning, it was "it's your house, you deal with it." But don't call a plumber, because he doesn't want to pay for one. I guess I was supposed to get a blow torch and fix the pipe myself??? I asked him if he was declaring war, or trying to teach me a lesson and he said no, he was just giving me bad news. I said I was confused by the angry vibe, then he acknowledged it. I was able to de-escalate the conflict and we worked out what I would do and what he would do.

But I am shaken up by all of this, and am attempting to process this emotionally by writing this out here. I can't afford to run to my "cave" every time I am challenged. I need to find new ways to cope. But in the meantime, I think I'll go hide under the covers...

[rskmom]

((hugs)))

[Kimberley]

[Zippity]

You can do it, LL. Sending you lots of superwoman vibes.

[kermitfan]

Come on out and tell us how you are doing when you are ready, LL. We will be here!
xoxoxoxoxox
K